One of the most common issues people around me have raised is –
“Why do we have to treat them special in the month of June? What even is the purpose of pride month? Isn’t it just another way for corporations and clubs to increase their profits/appeal?”
Okay, so first- pride month is celebrated to commemorate the Stonewall riots, which took place in the June of 1969.
Second, yes! It sure is a way for corporations to appear more ‘woke’ and youth-friendly.
Now, the most important question-
“Why do we have to treat them special in the month of June?”
Well, pride isn’t about treating the people from the community in a special manner. It is more about treating them with respect (like we would treat other humans with), acknowledging their struggle and making them feel part of society instead of an outcast.
In this piece we shall look at how it would be if every month were to be pride month.
Now, with every month being pride month, the significance of pride month would obviously reduce.
“Ohh, how angry it would have all the gays with the spotlight off them for good.”
Ironically, this would instead make the community even happier as it would make more people aware and sympathetic of their struggle.
It would also normalize their existence in the society.
What would this mean?
People would stare less at them, make them feel less uncomfortable. Companies and organizations would stop using them as a prop like they do in the month of June just to be discarded once the month is over.
Violence and crime against them would reduce in numbers, the members of the community would feel more empowered which would lead to them being more accepted in society, having better healthcare which would cater to their needs.
Mr. Martin died a peaceful death they said. There were no signs of pain or agony. His wife gave her condolences and came down to sit beside her son. When almost everyone was about to go, a man went up to the podium and called attention to him. It was as if they knew him from somewhere. All of them had seen him some time, somewhere.
When that man read out Martin’s note, everyone was moved. They somewhat understood where this was going. He knew the actual Martin. For everyone, Martin was the ideal male role model. He led the ideal life as social norms defined it.
Nobody really believed it when the letter claimed he never truly loved his wife. Everyone thought they were the ideal couple. But his wife didn’t seem surprised. She appeared to have known bout this all along. His kids appeared to be experiencing a life-changing shock. The scenario goes back to the 1960s.
He told it all in his letter. Martin had his first crush in his college days. “I realized I was unique after I lived in the men’s dorm. I still wasn’t able to speak it aloud.”Being gay in those years was not considered natural. He felt loneliness creeping over him as he thought he could never find love.
He never felt attracted to girls, when everybody around him was. For the longest time, he believed something was wrong with him. There was no representation for somebody like him, there was no validation.
In front of his parents and friends, he explained how he was able to act normally. What would one do if you were unable to communicate but were confined within your body with your brain still functioning? How can you maintain your sanity when everyone you know and love cannot see you? He claims that as a young boy, he had a weird coma. As his mind started to work again, he was left with nothing but his own thoughts. He was confined and had nothing to do except think. Additionally, they weren’t exactly pleasant ideas.
“Nobody will ever be kind to me. I’ll never be loved by anyone.”
And of course, there was no way out. You are doomed, he believed.
He concluded that leaving his ideas behind was his only choice. According to conventional conventions, he continued acting normally. Even though he had a crush on a boy in college, he nevertheless made friends with a girl, She fell in love with him and the two of them eventually got together. Even though he had no idea why he was deceiving himself, he was aware that something was wrong. He continued living in his cocoon, He didn’t know that coming out was really an option. He married the girl and had two children, but he always felt incomplete. When he told his wife one day, she didn’t really believe him.” You can’t be gay”, she said in response. It was a challenge rather than a command. She implied that he was definitely not gay.
But by expressing that, he felt better. He didn’t care if she believed him or not. He got to hope when he saw advertisements for a gay Bar. He started going out and meeting new people, people like him. He met different people, He met a man who was very different. He was quite older but Martin’s world slid when he was around him. Martin began to have feelings toward him. He could sense movement all around him. He felt like himself for the first time. The man reading the letter wiped his eyes and said, “yes, that was me.”
He realized what it was like to be joyful and in love for the first time. He was too delighted to give it much thought, even though he knew what he was doing was wrong for his family. He then began the relationship in private. His family could never know about this. Alongside his daily responsibilities, he did enjoy this. Later, he was promoted to manager at work.
He was really skilled at living a double life – but still, he knew something was missing.
All he wanted to do was live freely, and come out. But he knew in his heart that he was powerless to do so. He lived his life, took care of his obligations, and retired early. He remained faithful to his partner and carried out his marriage vows till the very end. But he had split apart somewhere between social pressure and love. He led a normal life for so many years, but what others didn’t realize was what was going on inside his head. Others watched in surprise as Mr. Martin’s true love wiped his tears stepping down from the podium. All were wondering how a seemingly flawless man could be so sad for years and realize that true happiness was found elsewhere and still couldn’t enjoy it to the fullest.
This article will be focused on awareness about the ‘T’ in ‘LGBTQIA’ which stands for Transgender.
The first step involved to be an ally to the trans community is to be aware of some facts and definitions. The word ‘Transgender’ is an adjective denoting or relating to a person whose sense of gender identity does not correspond with the sex they were assigned at birth. Gender identity is the internal sense of being male, female, or something else, for trans people does not match their birth sex. A transgender woman was labelled as male at birth but has the gender identity of a female. A transgender man was assigned female sex at birth but identifies as male. Some transgender people don’t identify with one gender exclusively or no gender at all. These transgender people are often described as being “non-binary.” Another term that is sometimes used to describe people in this category is “genderqueer.” The opposite of transgender is cisgender, people who identify as cis conform to their sex at birth.
Another important piece of information is that gender identity is not the same as sexual orientation. The latter term is used to describe a person’s innate preference for romantic or sexual relationships with men, women, or both sexes. Heterosexual/straight people are attracted to members of the opposite sex. Homosexual people (gays and lesbians) are attracted to people of the same sex. Bisexual people are attracted to both men and women. Transgender people may be straight, gay or lesbian, or bisexual. The flag that represents the transgender community was designed by American trans woman Monica Helms. It is a light blue, pink and white pent-colour pride flag.
Secondly, we must acknowledge their struggles. Being a marginalised community, they’ve been oppressed and discriminated against for the majority of recorded history. Trans people are denied equal access to key social goods, such as employment, health care, education and housing. They’re marginalized in society and one of the weaker sections who are at risk of becoming socially excluded. Daily experiences such as not having separate toilet facilities; they have to use male toilets where they are prone to sexual assault and harassment and having to fill up application forms that use sex and gender interchangeably. The exclusion and discrimination have extremely affected the mental health of transgender persons. Stigmatization of gender-nonconforming and transgender children and youth is amplified in the educational system, which mirrors the rest of society in reinforcing strictly binary and patriarchal gender norms. Transphobia exists, which causes a lot of distress to trans people. Transphobia manifests itself in different forms, for example, physical attacks, discrimination in the workplace and negative media representation. Apart from it all, trans people also deal with gender dysphoria in many cases. It is a condition that causes distress and discomfort when the gender you identify with conflicts with the sex that you were assigned at birth.
Lastly, we should express our openness and acceptance. The majorities of Transgender people learn to cope, particularly when they have the support of family and friends, and participate in Transgender organizations and social networks. Thus it is crucial to vocally support and fight alongside them against the discrimination they face. Normalise introducing yourself with your pronouns and not make assumptions about others’ pronouns. Be respectful and mindful of phrases or terms that are gendered. Also, consider donating to organizations that support and aid transgender people. Wish them a happy pride month, with a gentle smile!
“Loving yourself is the greatest revolution,” proven by the LGBTQ+ community just by doing the most mundane thing: fighting for love,
Love-a language misunderstood and mistaken. Hence, the month of pride brings to us the opportunity to know and explore the lengths of magnitude people have gone to for the sake of love.
Many consider the month of pride to just mean the celebration of sexuality, but Pride Month is an entire month dedicated to the uplifting of LGBTQ voices, a celebration of LGBTQ culture, and the support of LGBTQ rights. Throughout June, nationwide, there have traditionally been parades, protests, drag performances, live theatre, memorials, and celebrations of life for members of the community who lost their lives to HIV/AIDS. It is part political activism, part celebration of all the LGBTQ community has achieved over the years. Hence, the community knows the actual struggle for this piece of joy acquired.
Over the years, celebrating Pride has grown, not just in numbers within the LGBTQ community but also in popularity. This is wonderful but also presents a few problems. While people stand by watching corporations selectively jump on the bandwagon for a few weeks, the LGBTQ community has to live the truth and support each other all year long.
The month is a monograph of mixed emotions, perspectives, and celebrations—celebrations of not only emotions but also of people, their struggles and joys; mourning their losses and applauding their accomplishments. Although in reality, just a month could never be enough to acknowledge the profundity of joy and sorrow, this one month does sure serve its initial purpose of spreading awareness. ‘The biggest idealism about pride is about hope’, The purpose of this commemorative month is to recognize the impact that lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender individuals have had on history locally, nationally, and internationally.
They say LGBT people are not people, they are just an ideology. Living in a place where people are dehumanized, we, as individuals, community or not, have to find ways to help, support, and fight for basic rights.
In conclusion, to me, pride refers to the freedom of expressing one’s true self—one that has been masquerading beneath government policies fuelled by orthodox societal norms—specifically those about homophobia—for a very long time. Pride Month and celebrations aren’t just about watching drag queens throw t-shirts from a float or buying items with a rainbow on them. Pride matters for many reasons beyond this and is much more than a few events in the summer. Activists and campaigners have certainly played a crucial role in bringing about what can be seen as a major turn of events in terms of the increasing numbers of egalitarian and human rights cuts across communities throughout the globe. It means celebrating the victories of what the community has achieved so far and also a revolt against what we’re still being deprived of. Thus, pride is and will be a ceaseless fight.
Occasionally, when I lay down and closed my eyes, I used to feel like a skatefish in pisciculture. Bleak lifelessness around me – a world drained of joy. They only saw in black and white, do you realize?
The funny thing is, I swam around. I floated around like a little plastic toy, discarded into the vast ocean by some rich spoilt kid. As light, weightless, and wasted. I felt my fins and tail as I traversed the water, the strong current against them.
My teachers had always told my parents that I was a queer child and that I daydreamed too often. Maybe they did get some part of it right, but I never dared to make the pun evident. Who are dreamers but lost souls, right?
My room used to be no different from my terror of a thought loop. It was almost like a black hole, everything sucked you in, and you lost your nature. You know, like the universe is no longer to be governed by the Laws of Senses. If absurdism gets narrowed down, the only thing defined in it would be human hypocrisy. They ask you to love and then say you are not supposed to. They preach to you to be true to yourself but accept only sugar-coated lies. I know.
My school was no better. It was not like my friends were any kinder. Their images flickered in and out of my daily life like a television channel on a poor signal. Despite being left with all these people around me, I was permitted only to use one bland, broken communication device. Will they ever know me for who I truly am? And then I’m in the pond again, my form obscuring my vision. Would it have changed who I am? Would I have forgotten who I was? I am glad you were there through all this.
At times I used to feel like this life was a conspiracy. But then you told me about the other colorful, joyous worlds I could spiral into when I was lost. Maybe all everyone in such a wicked world as mine needs is an ally. Things did not seem as hard. I finally had the courage to stand up for myself. You were not right by my side physically, true. But you were with me, in your heart. That is more than anything I wanted or needed. All this suffocation of shutting myself inside is finally off my shoulder, and I just wanted to say thank you.”
People are often just scared to speak up for themselves. They have to realize that what makes them unique is everything about them- their age, gender, identity, sexuality, interests, and whatnot. The pride community is not for today’s relief or tomorrow’s comfort. It is a movement for as long as it takes. And it is home. To love is human, and to love is divine.
“Genders are like twin towers, earlier there were two but now it’s just a sensitive subject”. This is exactly what is wrong with our perception of gender, gender in itself is not a sensitive or confusing subject but it is our arrogance that makes it so. The fact is straight-forward, gender is not a discrete spectrum but rather a continuous spectrum of human identities. It is nothing to be afraid of or to be disgusted with but rather a change that should be welcomed with warmth as it is this change of gender identity that accommodates fellow humans as humans.
Disagreers would often say how earlier there was no mention of LGBTQ ever and gender was binary. But that’s exactly where we go wrong, if we were to broaden the time upto which our “earlier” extended, that is, if we go back to the ancient world, there was never any mention of LGBTQ because there was no concept of heterosexual or homosexual relationships. There was no “us” and “them”, it was only “us” and it was all about loving who one liked. In fact, same sex-relationships were highly common in Mesopotamia. In ancient Mesopotamia, god Enki is said to have created a third-gender as servants for his daughter, thus, the non-binary gender was recognised thousands of years ago as the third gender. The Almanac of Incantations contains prayers for both opposite and same-sex marriage proving how gods even blessed same-sex relationships.
Records dating back to 600 BCE refer to same sex-relationships in China where it was believed that the upper class lover would dignify the lower class lover, bringing prosperity into his life. Chinese literature is home to several poems and anecdotes on same-sex relationships, one of these known as “the cut sleeve” tells how emperor Ai was resting with his lover Dong Xian who had fallen asleep on Ai’s robe. Instead of waking up Dong Xian, emperor Ai instead cut off his sleeve so that his lover could sleep peacefully and went to attend court in a disheveled state. Isn’t this a very wholesome story? There is nothing wrong in bringing back a tradition that can be home to thousands of such wholesome stories.
Back in 1250 BCE, the Indian law code, Manusmriti treats both same-sex and oppsite-sex relationships equally and the Kama Sutra references the third gender too. While the third gender (Hijra) is marginalized in present day India, there is nothing in ancient scriptures that marginalizes them. Our culture is undoubtedly one of the richest cultures in the world and we should be proud of it. While we talk of returning to our traditional values, it is still a taboo to talk about same-sex relationships. While the ancient Indian culture never stigmatized same-sex relationships and transgenders, “modern-day” Indian culture does, surprisingly, same-sex relationships in India were made illegal by a colonial era law establised by the Britishers. Now, in modern-day British culture, same-sex relationships are being welcomed as an indication of a more “modern”, self-aware and educated society. Irony lies in the fact that our society was always more welcoming and wholesome for the third gender and same-sex relationsips.
Thus, talks about pride month shouldn’t really trigger us or make us feel uncomfortable, rather they should act as a reminder of our ancient culture that made India the richest country at one point of time, home to the strongest empires and housing the most diverse and rich culture. Hence, as an Indian we should proudly talk about same-sex relationships and rights for the LGBTQ+ community. In the end, it is all about loving who you like as love knows no gender.
The feeling of love is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world. It’s a powerful emotion that can make us feel both happy and sad at the same time. The term “love” refers to an overwhelming emotion of heartfelt affection. But does it exactly define the true essence of Love?
I was about 15 or 16 years old at the time, and I was trying to figure out a lot of things in life. I was running late, especially for an Indian kid from a middle-class family who was expected to have figured out their life by this point. It was difficult for me to find significance in many things, but one day I came across something that made perfect sense to me. It was probably insignificant to most others, but it meant everything to me at the time. My life was turned upside down, and everything that didn’t make sense before began to make sense. I met a girl. She wasn’t perfect, but she seemed to be able to complete me.
My friends thought I was crazy and that I wasn’t making any sense, but at the time, their opinions didn’t matter to me. This girl was all that mattered to me. She was in my class, so I made it a point to speak with her daily and get to know her. She was incredibly sweet to me, and I always felt “PERFECT” when I was in her company. I was so delighted that I used to look forward to going to school, and when school finished, I was upset, but the anticipation of seeing her again kept me awake all night. I was genuinely happy and everything was just “PERFECT”, but I suppose nothing is supposed to be perfect in this universe.
I went up to the girl and confessed my feelings for her with a lot of courage. Her smile had vanished, and I couldn’t think of anything else at the time. I’d exhausted all other options and was simply hoping to God that she’d say yes. But it appears that the universe had other plans for me. She said “no”, and I didn’t know how to react to it. Everything just went blank for a moment and I didn’t have anything to say.
Everything that previously made sense to me began to disintegrate, and nothing appeared to make sense to me. Going to school was a burden, sitting in class was excruciating, and seeing the same beautiful face every day was depressing. I had blamed everyone up until this moment, and then I started blaming myself. Was it, however, entirely my fault? I’d only done one thing: I’d fallen in love. I had no idea how to communicate my feelings, and all I could think about was being rejected. My sorrow had turned to rage, and I couldn’t seem to settle down. The tension and restlessness were unbearable.
At this moment, all I could think about was blaming the girl, and my rage seemed to know no bounds. I simply wanted to express my rage, and I had painted her as the villain in this situation. I couldn’t accept the fact that she had rejected me, and seeing her made me feel horrible. Was she, however, the “terrible” person I painted her to be? She made a decision that she had every right to make.
At this point, I realised the issue was with myself and with society, which believes that if a person makes a decision for their own good, we label them as “bad” people if their choices do not coincide with our own. Every individual has the right to make their own choices, and we, as individuals in society, must respect those choices and learn to accept differing viewpoints. I felt it convenient to blame the girl because I had to learn it the hard way. “Consent” is something that transcends people’s and society’s opinions, so maybe I was supposed to be blamed at this point?
“Time is the finest healer,” as someone once said. I believe in my case, I just analyzed the situation and realised that sometimes not everything is in my control. That’s when I realised that not everything is supposed to make sense and that some things just “happen.” I believe that at this moment, I had made peace with all of my sadness, anger, and restlessness and that this helped me to escape from the situation.
RAPE IS RAPE. WHY DOES OUR PENAL CODE STILL TREAT “SHE’S MY WIFE” AS A DEFENCE?
Since the 1900’s, most of the countries in this world have been striving to procure a progressive economic change. We have all, also been through gradual refinements and transformations in our everyday life due to the invention of some exemplary technologies and counting till date, we have broken innumerable stereotypes and dogmatic rules set by our society and predecessors. But, one thing that is yet to be looked into is marital rape because even today, it is not prosecuted as harshly as rape outside marriage.
More than 2/3rd of married women in India of age between 15 and 49 are raped, beaten or intentionally forced by husbands to provide sex.
Maneka Gandhi once mockingly said, “It is considered that the concept of marital rape, as understood internationally, cannot be suitably applied in the Indian context due to various factors like education/illiteracy, poverty, myriad social customs and values, religious beliefs, mindset of the society to treat marriage as a sacrament.” What is more surprising is the fact that even Somalia- One of the poorest countries has made marital rape a criminal offence. This is all because our culture highly condones any misconduct in marriages. India is a country where majority of the young people are pushed into marriages (mostly arranged) even before they are ready for such a huge commitment and baggage. Young girls who are supposed to be pursuing their education and following their dreams end up in a pickle when married off to strangers by their doting parents. Marrying a stranger in itself is a hideous and preposterous act, but it takes a huge fall when it leads to forced sex without the consent of their female or male partner. This not only physically affects the victim of the marital rape but also takes a humongous toll on their mental health hence leading to depression and even suicide in some cases.
One of the contributing factors towards acts like this is the promotion and advertisement of marital rape in movies and TV shows. It is absolutely acceptable if it was to raise awareness among the crowd about Marital rape but instead, some of them catch the eyes of the evil soul and they feel licensed to do such heinous crime (well, according to the Indian judicial system, it is not exactly a crime).
Countless movies and TV shows — including this year’s Best Picture, The Shape of Water — have used the shot of a husband jackhammering away above his blank-faced wife as shorthand for a stale marriage. But nowhere do we ask what it would feel like to be that woman, night after night, or whether the husband’s insistence might even be a kind of assault.
No one has the ability to know what has happened behind those closed doors or under those ponderous blanket. The victim has to come out and express the crimes forced upon them. At the same time, the society and this world has to provide the most comforting and reliable shoulders for the victims to divulge . And it takes immense courage to choose to tell the world what that person has been through and for once instead of blaming the victim, let hope and solace take the best of us.
There still remains what seems like an impenetrable wall of silence around domestic violence and marital rape. And we must all, for once play a role in breaking this silence. No woman or man has to be a victim of any sort of violence and shouldn’t be forced into doing anything against their will even if it is to be blamed on the institution of marriage.
Still lay her hands
shrivelled and dispelled-
hands which fed,
hands which bled;
Still they lie- cold and dead.
From life unto death-
pain reeking every breath;
Bearing wrath unspeakable,
bearing cuts indelible.
Hands which once spun magic,
spinning endless tales so tragic;
hands which led to lands yonder,
to fables filled with wonder;
hands humbled with humanity,
lent they love and serenity.
Her days draw to a close,
she rests on sheets unknown;
Untouched by love and civility-
all she got back was nihility.
Alas! Her hands moved no more,
her grave etched with songs
and lies engraved in bold;
Buried six feet under- dead and cold,
eternally they lie- the pair of old.
“The only way to defuse crime against women is via education”, screamed a fervent columnist on the national daily I was engrossed in. If that’s the case, why is it not at all uncommon to find well read, esteemed professionals, indulging themselves in abuse of every kind against the fairer sex?
Education is indeed, for the most part- the gateway to enlightenment. Education helps us transcend the geographical and cultural barriers we bind ourselves with and brings up fresh perspectives to refresh our outlook on life. Is education, however, the one-stop solution to every ill in society?
The answer, in my personal stance, lies in one of the most basic human values: compassion. Education is for the mind, compassion- for the heart. A brilliant mind isn’t a necessary prerequisite for kindness. My limited exchanges with victims of sexual abuse have led to all but one conclusion: the fact that abuse doesn’t always rise out of lechery, but is closely associated with power and ego.
Let’s race back to our childhood. How commonplace was it for the average Indian boy to come across the ‘men don’t cry’ act indicated by his parents? As budding men, we’ve been instilled with a morbidly twisted sense of masculinity which dictates every nerve we pull and every move we make. For those who don’t warm up well to it, the frustration leads to only resentment and grief; and this frustration manifests itself in the most horrific of ways in the near future.
We’d do well to remember that every prejudice existing now had its seed sown in the past. A gender-neutral approach to every aspect of life could revolutionize the way the social system works. No longer would sexual orientations matter and no longer would any sort of discrimination exist. Our girls and boys don’t need societal expectations burdening them and they must be free to choose the kind of environment they want to be raised in.
Maybe it’s time we tell the common folk that love and mutual respect are gender-neutral. Maybe it’s time we tell them to grow a considerate backbone instead. Maybe it’s time we urge them to breed humanity rather than bigotry and prejudice. Maybe we should counsel them into reinstating compassion as the quintessential religion of life.
It doesn’t take an exorbitant IQ, but a receptive mind to comprehend the ideas I speak of. Every difference, every feud, and every dirty claim; all fade away for we bleed the same.
Fifth Pillar - VIT 